I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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