Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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