ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
smell my finger.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
