hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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