im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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