I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
only if we run a train.
done.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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