Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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