peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
