Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
