So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
