Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
