Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
