spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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