be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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