I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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