glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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