Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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