I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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