life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
