sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
