somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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