My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
