the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
don't judge my taste in strippers
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
