I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
