Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
