when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
