It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
