I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
