Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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