so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
