I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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