i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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