We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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