I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
