It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
