You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
