I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
