you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize