He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
