Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
