just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
