If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
