ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize