Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
