i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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