I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
