so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
only you would photoshop your dick
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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