jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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