He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think I am morally bankrupt
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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