Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
