i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
