If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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