i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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