Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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