I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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