I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i think my cat just said my name.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
