1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
