All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
