When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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