Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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