Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
