I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
