i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
