She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
