so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
