So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
