Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
