he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
